Due to health problems I haven't been able to keep this journal updated. So, for the time being my daily rantings will be posted at this link: http://www.simplyclaire.co.uk/smellypantsrants.htm

Why don't you pop over and drop me a line or two.

Spring is in the air and I need to tidy this blog up and start re-adding bits and bobs. It's been a while hasn't it, oh just a few months or so ... ahem.

Apart from a few health problems I'm still around hoping to be a writer one day, though lately I ain't wrote a word. I must get myself back into a rhythm. This rut I'm in seems to be everlasting. Writing is an art I desire, yet at times I feel as if my mind is drained and I'm unable to tap out another word. I'm doing an OU course, lately I've found myself skipping on some of the tasks. I know I shouldn't, but it feels as if I'm going over things that I already know, or should I say things I should know but when it comes to writing I tend to forget. This is why we need editors!!!

 

Hello there, I'm still here, well sort of, I think the aliens left me in one piece, it would have been nice if they swapped some of my organs with some decent ones. I can't wait till we're able to buy new organs -- I'll be able to become an alcoholic then!

Anyways, I've been mighty busy these past few months, sorting the magazine out, writing a couple of novels -- and I'm glad to say, I completed my nano this year with no problems, which was surprising as I've been a tad under the weather lately. I'm also in the middle of writing another novel too, Mirror Girl here's a little taster for you:

MIRROR GIRL

PROLOGUE

Looking out a dirty old window
Down below the cars in the city go rushing by
I sit here alone and I wonder why

My name is Clara and I’m a prostitute… well, a sex slave to be precise. I work every day of the month, including when I’m on my periods, there’s some sick bastards out there who enjoys lapping it. My body no longer feels my own. To be honest, I can’t remember the last time I had my body to myself. Time has no relevance here. If I want to know what season it is, I look out of the grubby window, beyond the bars and take a guess by the weather. Every so often we’re told to dress up, then we’re led to a large room where we celebrate Christmas – I’ll tell you about that later on though.

For now, I’ll just tell you the basics. My world is one room, one small insignificant room, but at least I’m lucky, I have my own adjoining bathroom. It may be an old porcelain bath with yellow rings around it, but it is all mine. There’s only a few tiles left on the wall, most of them have fallen off over the years. Some I’ve smashed off due to losing my temper. Above the metal sink, which is located mere millimetres away from the side of the bath, is my pride and joy – a mirror. The surface is scratched in several places and it has a few misty patches that never seem to go away. Of course, wedged into the corner is my lavatory, no seat though. I use my reading material to wipe my backside, old newspapers, well, the sports, cartoon, TV and advertisement pages. Most of it doesn’t make any sense, as when I get my supply it is already ripped into strips inside of a blue stripy carrier bag.

In my room, I have a double bed; the flower-patterned mattress is worn. I’ve had to pull many springs out, it was either that or getting one jabbed up the backside while lying on my back. Trust me, when you have another person’s weight upon you that spring becomes more than uncomfortable. I have a small hole in my right butt cheek to prove it, I swear there’s a small piece of wire still embedded in there.

Don’t take pity on me. I don’t want it. All I want you to do is sit back and listen. Listen to my tale, then take a good look around you. Why? I’ll answer that later on, when I know you are listening.

Oh, and there’s one more thing – don’t judge me. Well, not until I’ve finished.

I suppose I better start at the beginning.



CHAPTER ONE

As a child my parents liked to show me off. My golden ringlets and angelic face could melt unbreakable hearts. Mommy’s little beauty queen.

“Dance Clara, dance,” my mother would say proudly, clapping her hands and tapping her foot.

Of course, I obeyed. I loved the attention, what child wouldn’t? I climbed on the tiled, tea stained coffee table in my fairy dress-up suit, wings and all, and spun around on my tippy-toes like a ballerina.

“Kick those legs,” she continued, cigarette dangling out of her mouth with a halo of smoke lingering above her head. Mommy’s halo. Mommy the angel. The murky grey halo dispersed leaving thin trails reaching up to the heavens.

Again, I would obey, kicking my legs as high as I could.

“Whoa there,” uncle Pete said, covering his eyes with his tattooed hands. “I don’t want to see your dirty knickers.”

“My knickers are clean,” I giggled, clinging onto the edge of my white tutu.

“Clara, show uncle Pete what we think of stiff bastards like him.” My mother nodded her head towards Pete and winked.

I placed my finger in my mouth and shook my head. I knew how to play my mother, well I thought I did, all along it was she who played me.

“Go on, you can have some extra candy.” She leant back on the sofa and reached behind it, pulling out a yellowed carrier bag. Her scrawny hand withdrew several coloured pieces of candy. “You’ll get two handfuls this time.”

I won, so I thought, extra candy for me.

Giggling, I turned my back to uncle Pete, bent over and dropped my knickers. “Kiss my sweet bum,” I said, slapping my right cheek.

My mother fell to the floor in fits of laughter. “That’s my girl.” Her laughter echoed around the shabby sitting room. “Fucking priceless ain’t it.”

Pete winked at me and laughed. “I’ll get you one of these days little madam. Just you wait till you’re begging for more candy.”

“No you won’t.” I stuffed a green piece of candy in my mouth and stuck my nose in the air.

“Hang on,” Pete said, now kneeling on the floor in front of me, “wasn’t there a little girl who needed someone to fix the tyre on her bicycle? I wonder who that could have been.”

I shoved the piece of candy to the side of my mouth. “It was me silly.”

“Nope, I don’t think so… anyway, who are you?”

“I’m Clara, silly.”

“Hmm, I don’t know any Clara’s.”

“Yes you do.” I laughed and slapped him on the arm.

He fell to the floor screaming, holding onto his arm. “Ahhh, you’ve broke my arm.”

I jumped on top of him and punched into his back.

“Help, someone get the police.”

My mother slapped her legs and laughed, which led to a fit of coughing.

I stopped and approached my mother. Her face now bright red, tears streaked her face. “Mommy?”

She held a fist to her mouth and waved me away with the other hand. Pete grabbed me by the shoulders and sat me on his knee. “Give your mom five minutes, she just needs to catch her breath.”

I huddled into Pete’s chest, watching my mother’s face turn several shades of colours. All I wanted to do was help her. No one else was. They all sat there staring at her. At the other end of the sofa my father rolled himself a cigarette.

A few minutes past, her coughing had eased. She wiped snot and saliva from her face, with the back of her hand, then she cleaned her hand on the arm of the sofa.

“Mommy, you better now?”

She nodded her head and took several deep breaths. “I will be in a minute once I’ve had my medicine.”

“I’ll get it for you mommy.” I jumped down from Pete’s knee and pulled the stool from the other side of the living room to her. She thanked me, opened the lid and withdrew a small box, then turned to her side clutching it as if her life depended on it.

I hovered over her, watching her set her medicine up in neat lines.

“Dance Clara, dance, wiggle that ass of yours,” my mother encouraged me. She bent over and dragged her nose along the side-table, then she wiped the white powder from her nostril and leapt on the coffee table grabbing me by the hand. “Turn that music up. Its time to party.”

‘Right Said Fred’ blasted throughout the house. Together we shook our behinds, swung our arms and sang along: “I’m too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt…”

My father, uncle Pete and their friends sat around us clapping their hands yelling, “Get them off.”

“Yeeehaar,” my mother called out as she pulled off her halter-top.

“Yeehee,” I shouted, copying my mother’s moves.

My mommy the angel.

Supporting Jeans for Genes 

50 prompts 

12 hrs 

No preparation 

Flash fiction 

The Plan: To write as many flashes within 12hrs  

I’m looking for sponsors to sponsor me in a 12hr flash-a-thon for Jeans for Genes day, which I’ll be doing through The Grail writers’ site: http://z3.invisionfree.com/The_Grail  

Flashing will take place between 11am and 11pm on Friday 6th October 2006. 

Sponsors can be for the whole event or per flash.
All funds to go to Jeans for Genes. 

Every penny counts. 

If you would like to sponsor me, you can pay your sponsor money through Paypal or email me to post a cheque/postal order 

If paying by Paypal please state that you are sponsoring Nickers/Claire 

Paypal: thegrail ( AT ) ntlworld.com 

Email me: cj002e7644 ( AT )blueyonder.co.uk 

All those taking part will post their flashes as they write them on The Grail’s website: http://z3.invisionfree.com/The_Grail  

OR, would you like to take part? Join The Grail forum now and sign up. 

I thank you for your time, 

Claire. 

 

Did you know...

• in the UK, one baby in every 33 is born with a genetic disorder or birth defect – that’s one born every 30 minutes whose life could be affected?
• there are over 4,000 recognised genetic disorders, such as cystic fibrosis and ‘baby in the bubble’ syndrome?
• much more pioneering research is needed and that costs millions of pounds?
Genetic diseases range widely in severity. Some have very little impact on the affected person’s life, while others are devastating and can lead to severe disability and even death in childhood. The only existing long term treatment for some forms of the more severe disorders is a bone marrow transplant (BMT). This is a highly risky procedure and is dependent on finding a suitable bone marrow donor and the child being well enough to undergo chemotherapy. For the majority of children with disorders which can be treated with a BMT, actually undergoing this procedure is not possible. New therapies, such as gene therapy, are currently being developed and have the potential to revolutionise the way genetic disorders are treated. It does not rely on finding a donor and recent breakthroughs are giving many families enormous hope that a cure for their child’s disorders is not too far away.
Your support of Jeans for Genes will help to speed up the development of these pioneering new therapies.
http://www.jeansforgenes.com

 

Twisted Tongue's flash fiction competition ends 1st October. This will be TT's 3rd competition, prizes are now determined by entry fee, fixed percentage for fist place etc. (Min prize £20 for first place) Past winners are listed on the website. 

Basic guidelines: 

Word count: 500

Theme: Open

Fee: £1.50

Multiple entries are accepted. 

Winners are published in Twisted Tongue magazine.

View website for complete details: http://www.twistedtongue.co.uk/competition.htm

Hello there, I'm back. After several months of health problems, I've finally managed to get back into the swing of things. My writing has suffered over these months, but I'm determined to get back at it.

Where to start, I have no idea! I'll have to read through my journal and see where I was... I dread to think how much I need to catch up on. For now I have a few announcements to make... will do those in a separate post though.

Brief update. A while ago I mentioned that a publisher was looking at my first novel, Barry... well, my novel was long-listed... but didn't make the cut. Never mind, I'm re-editing the novel and I plan to send it back out as soon as I can. Before you ask, I'm not disappointed... I'm well chuffed that the publishers actually asked to read the full novel. Maybe it was too gross for them... maybe I overdone the bad language... who knows, but there's no way I'm giving up on it.

I've started a new novel, Mirror Girl. I've been posting these chapters on UKAuthors - they still need a good edit though. A group of us on UKA has decided to Write A Novel In A Year (WANIAY), this started at the beginning of September, we set our own goal, mine is 70k, which means I must write 5,800 words per month to achieve this. I'm glad to say I've reached this months target.

I've just thought, I need to update my novel lengths above... will get onto that soon.

From the first of October I'll be starting another novel, this one I'm writing through NAY. This one is taken from a short story I had written. I'm not sure where to start yet... I'll worry about that next month.

And erm... I'm signed up to NANO too... write a novel in a month, well reach 50k words in a month... I don't have a clue what I'm doing for this one though.

So, that's three novels planned. Short story wise, I'm hoping to get time to edit some old ones and send them off to some mags... otherwise I'll be writing at least one new one per month as part of the Targeting thread on The Grail forum. Oh yeah, I'm also doing a flash-a-thon in a fortnight... will post more details soon.

And here was me saying I'm gonna take things slowly... and I've got two writers magazines to work on...

But at least the kids are back to school! So yippee!

Catch you all laters.

Jesus, last entry April!!! That is a long time... I have been extremely busy, plus I've had a few health problems. I'm slowly getting back on my feet. No wonder there's cobwebs everywhere I turn.

Okay, my latest update on my novel Barry. Actually, the publishers emailed me this week saying they can officially say that my Novel Barry is on their long list... so I gather that means I need to wait a few more months for the knock back.

I've had a few other short stories published over the past few months, all of those are listed over on my website... I think I've listed them all, I really need to update everything.

My next piece of good news is -- my children's tale Tabitha & Pirate Jim is now available as an audio tale for only 99p, it is mere pennies, so if you have kids get it now and if you don't have kids... well, just download it! I must admit the publishers have done a wonderful job with it, follow this link to hear a sample and to download: http://www.audiostoriesforkids.com/index.htm 

I'd love to know what you think about it.

Will update again soon.

My stomach is doing back-flips. One minute I'm happy, the next I'm thinking 'oh shit!'

A few months ago, I followed a link from UKA's resources page for a shout about a publishing company looking for novels. I liked what I saw. Impressed by their attitude and thought to myself 'I should send them my novel — Barry'.

Then a few weeks later, I came across the site again and thought the same again... and yup, did sod all about it.

Later on, I was clearing out my room and found a note to myself saying 'fucking do it woman!' with the publishers name scribbled underneath it. So, I thought 'what the hell' it ain't gonna kill no-one. Rejections ain't that bad, it's just part of wanting to be a writer.

I pressed the sent button and thought 'shit what have I done'. The novel needs more work done to it. I'm not ready to be sending novels off to be published, I'm just starting to get my little toe into the world of getting short-stories published. After my few mad wee moments, I calmed down and pushed it from the back of my mind.

A few weeks later, the publisher replied — after reading the first 8 chapters, and the synopsis they want to see the full novel! Yes! This is bloody great... or is it?

I'm sitting here at my PC, supposed to be finishing off my novel so I can give it an edit. What if they accept it? If they reject it I can continue with my wee little life living in my dreams.

If they accept it how will my life change? I'm not talking about money, I'm certainly not expecting to make a fortune from it. I'm talking about my family and friends... if they do accept, I suppose I can sit back, stick up my middle finger up, smile, and say to my family, 'told ya I'd get one novel published.' Oh the joy, yup, I'd love to do that.

And if it gets rejected — I'll still be happy, at least I can say a publisher asked to see the full novel and to me, that's a damn good thing.

 

You can find my short story 'Made to Order' inside of Skive Magazine, as well as many other pieces by other excellent writers and authors.

http://www.skivemagazine.com/index.html

 

Where the hell has these past few months gone?

End of march already!

Time is definitely passing by quickly. It's either that or I'm slowing down in my old age...

Okay, a wee update: My novels are still plodding along. Won't be long before Barry is finished, fingers crossed that should be around the summertime. My plans are to find a good editor to run through it, one problem -- they need to be cheap! I've seen one for around £300, all I need to do is grow some money trees.

The erotic novel that I done for nano still needs an ending. Funny ain't it, I reached over 50k words within a month in Nov, but now, I'm struggling to finish the damn thing! And, another but, I know how it's going to end, right down to the final detail and I'm still flipping stuck!

My war one, this will take time. I've written more notes that actually writing it. Give ten years and I'll have it done by then...

I've written a couple of short stories over the past few months, one of them is to be published next month in skive magazine.

But, I have been very busy... I'm the founder and editor of a new magazine called Twisted Tongue. Issue one is currently available, issue two is due the first of May. I must admit it's doing better than I thought.

I better dash, the housework won't do itself. Shame, would be nice though to just click your fingers and everything is done for you, especially the ironing.

Children's Anthology

I’m looking for submissions of stories or poetry for possible inclusion in a children’s anthology. Aiming for the sort of book you would buy for your child / grandchild / nephew / niece – age range 8 to 12 years. Stories ideally should be a maximum of 1,500 words and poetry in any style. Hopefully black and white images can be included. Rough timescale would be to aim for publication in time for Christmas 2007.

In an ideal world, it means getting published by one of the small presses and selling enough copies, so that costs are fully covered and the small press makes a small profit (and your child / grandchild / nephew / niece gets a fabulous Christmas present). Any remuneration to individual contributors will not be possible under this scenario.

In a perfect world, the anthology outsells Harry Potter and every one who is involved in the book, meets up on an exotic island to share out the profits and plan volume 2.

I'm happy to be the collector of poems/stories from anyone who is interested and I'll display a sample of submitted work of an acceptable standard here on this page. Being featured on the website does not guarantee publication in the book.

I'm an easy-going (sort-of) fella and I'll generally accept any work of a good standard, although I'm sharp enough to reject anything that I feel inappropriate or of poor quality. Submissions must be free of spelling mistakes and errors of basic grammar, so please get an independent person to check your work. The final submission of the book to the publisher must be of a high standard otherwise it will not be accepted.

Please send submissions / comments / etc to the following email address: michaeljamestreacy@hotmail.com

Michael James Treacy

Okay, it’s about time I sat down and wrote something for my journal instead of advertising several things. It’s amazing how quickly the weeks pass. Here was me moaning, saying I need to get back in rhythm with my writing, blaming the Xmas holidays and all that. It’s now February. What have I done these past few weeks? Good question… the weather is still cold over here in the northeast. The other day we had some frost. It looked quite nice, especially with the daffodils starting to grow. Jeez, it’s nearly Easter! There’s another excuse not to write for another week… Oh, you want me to answer that.

Okay, I haven’t done much. Barry is sitting at 42k words. Chapter 30. Another 20 or so to go. Fingers crossed I’ll reach my aim of 70k. If I got stuck into it, I could have that done by the end of March. Dangerous Desires, well I succeeded to reach 50k in a month for the ‘nano’. It still needs an ending. That shouldn’t take long to finish. But my Hell of War – actually, I’m still researching this. I have a feeling it’s gonna take a while to write the novel. I want to get all the facts correct – no mistakes! So, why rush it. I have years left in me, yet. I hope!

I’m tempted to start another novel… I know, I need to finish the ones I’m doing. Jeez, you’re a hard bunch. I will.

What else have I done? Oh, yes. I’ve entered two competitions and entered three short stories to magazines. I’ll let you know when I get the rejections. That’s the problem with entering competitions or magazines – the waiting period. It’s worse than waiting for paint to dry. It’s best to forget about them really.

Right, I think I’ve bored you enough now, so I’m gonna dash.

***Preview***

***What an absolutely stunning and *satisfying* first issue -- crammed with just what we need and want as writers and readers. No new ezine I can recall this century has got it so right so soon. Can't wait for the second issue of *Twisted Tongue*. And the third ... and ... Neil Marr at Bewrite Books***

PDF £1

Printed £4

 

Hi there guys,

A wee while ago I decided to take the plunge to set up a new magazine for writers. Today I'm happy to announce it's launch.

Twisted Tongue is a new magazine unlike any other… here you will find works that are twisted and we don’t mean ones with a simple twist. This magazine is for those 18 and over. In this issue you will meet a man whose revenge is sweet… you will also witness a child’s game gone wrong… and murder… accidental, of course. You’ll meet Robert Llewellyn, better known to some as Kryten from the TV series ‘Red Dwarf’ talking about his novels. In our articles, you’ll learn all about Azam Gill and his first-hand experience of front line fighting, and how he’s incorporated this experience into a novel. We have the inside story of how John Grant became a published fantasy author. Within the centre pages, you’ll find an eerie story to thrill you courtesy of Linear Comics. Our thanks to all contributors.

We’d appreciate any feedback, whether it is good or bad. We’re also open for suggestions of how to improve the magazine too, as we want Twisted Tongue to be the way you the authors’ and readers want it. Tell us what you want to see inside of Twisted Tongues pages.

Twisted Tongue is open for submissions.

Please check out the website for Twisted Tongues Competition.

http://www.twistedtongue.co.uk

Thought I'd share it with you all.